When Everything Feels Like a Big Deal (And How That Changes)

That's not because the situation actually shrank. It's because your state of mind changed — and your state of mind is what decides how big or small something feels, way more than the situation itself does.

Intensity comes from you, not the event

It's easy to believe that some things are just objectively a big deal, and others aren't. But intensity isn't actually built into events — it's built into the mind experiencing them. The same situation can feel unbearable on a stressed, busy day and barely register on a calm one. Nothing about the actual event changed. Your state of mind did.

This doesn't mean your feelings aren't real, or that you're overreacting. It means the size of the feeling is telling you something about your state of mind in that moment — not necessarily something true and permanent about the situation.

Why this is actually useful to know

When something feels overwhelming, it can help to remember: this feeling of "everything is a big deal" is temporary. It's tied to a state of mind that's going to shift, the same way weather shifts. You don't have to solve the huge feeling right now, in the middle of it. You can wait for your mind to settle, and often the situation looks completely different from the other side.

A different way to handle the big moments

Next time something feels like too much, try not to make any big decisions or conclusions from inside that intensity. Give it some space. Let your mind settle. What felt unbearable at 11pm often looks totally manageable in the morning — not because anything changed, except you.

If this is something you're working through right now, this is exactly the space I create for teens and young adults through Teens & Young Adults Coaching.

About the Author

Wendy Rovers

There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing to fix. For years I searched for happiness in strategies, techniques, willpower. They helped for a while. Nothing lasted. Then I saw something simple: my stress was never coming from my circumstances. It was coming from thought. When people see this clearly — really see it — something shifts. Not through more effort, but through insight. The noise settles. Thinking clears. Decisions get simpler. Relationships improve. People feel more ease in everyday life — and perform better, not by trying harder, but by getting out of their own way. I work with leaders, individuals, couples, and teams to create the conditions for that shift — so they can think clearly, feel more ease, and build a life and relationships that feel true to them.