This One Shift Can Save Your Relationship

What if I told you that focusing on the outcome of your relationship is actually making it worse? Most people obsess over the results in the relationship. Why don't we feel as close anymore? Why aren't they more affectionate? Why don't they make me feel loved in the way I want to feel? But here's the truth. Your relationship isn't built on outcomes. It's built on inputs. 

If you're focusing on what you're not getting instead of what you're putting in, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. By the end of today, you'll know exactly how to shift your focus from outputs to inputs, so you can create the kind of relationship you actually want instead of waiting for it to magically change.

Here's a tough question. Are you measuring your relationship by what you're getting or by what you're giving? Because the way you answer that question is going to determine whether your relationship thrives or struggles. The happiest couples don't focus on demanding love. They focus on creating it. Think of it like a bank account. If you only withdraw without making deposits, what happens?

Eventually, the account is empty. Now think about your relationship. Are you making deposits? Or just checking the balance? Wondering why there's nothing left. For years, I got this completely wrong in my own relationships. And today, I'm going to show you exactly how to make this shift. So you can stop feeling frustrated and start creating the relationship you want.

Most people measure their relationship like a scoreboard. They track how much love they're getting, how much attention they receive, how often their partner does this or that. And if the numbers don't look good, they assume something's wrong. But here's the problem with that approach. You can't control outputs. You can only control inputs. It's like going to the gym and constantly checking the scale, instead of focusing on your workouts.

The results don't come from obsessing over the outcome. They come from consistently putting in the right effort. Your relationship works the same way. I used to believe that love should just happen naturally. Maybe it was all the Disney movies I watched growing up. If someone truly loved me, they just make me feel special, without me asking. They'd understand my needs without me explaining. They do all the right things without my having to remind them.

Well, when that didn't happen, I felt disappointed, resentful, even unloved. I think, why aren't they making me feel important? Why don't they put in more effort? Why does it always feel like I'm the only one trying here?

Then one day, someone asked me a question that changed everything.

What are you doing to create the love you want? 

And honestly, that question hit me like a ton of bricks because I realized I was measuring my relationship entirely by what I was receiving instead of what I was contributing. So, I made a shift. Instead of waiting for love to show up. I started expressing love more. Instead of expecting my partner to read my mind. I started communicating openly. Instead of focusing on what I wasn't getting, I focused on giving what I wanted to experience.

Something amazing happened. When I change my inputs, the outputs change naturally. The truth is, relationships are not about getting, they're about giving. When you shift your focus from what you're receiving to what you're creating, everything changes.

So instead of asking why aren't they making me feel loved, ask, how can I show up with love today? Instead of wondering, why don't they communicate better? Ask, how can I create a space where open communication feels safe? Instead of thinking why aren't they affectionate anymore? Ask how can I make them feel appreciated and valued? Because when you change your inputs, the outputs naturally follow.

Here's a simple but powerful exercise that will help you to shift your focus to inputs.

Step one, take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left, write down everything you wish your partner would do for you. On the right, write down how often you are doing those things for them. Step two, for the next seven days, focus only on your inputs. Want more kindness? Give more kindness. Want more connection? Create more moments of connection. Want more appreciation? Express more appreciation.

Your job isn't to demand love. It's to create it. And when you do, the relationship you want will start taking shape naturally. Your relationship isn't something that just happens to you. It's something that you actively build.

The real question isn't what am I getting? It's what am I giving? Because the best relationships don't come from keeping score. They come from choosing every day to put in what you want to experience. And right now, you have a choice. Keep focusing on the outputs or start shifting to the inputs and see what happens.

I'm rooting for you.