6 Signs You're Subconsciously Sabotaging Yourself

What if the biggest roadblock in your life isn't your job, isn't your relationship, or even your circumstances? What if it's you? I know it sounds harsh, but stick with me. Here's a fact. Over 70% of people fail to hit their goals because of self-sabotage. Self-sabotaging behavior refers to intentional action or inaction that undermines people's progress and prevents them from accomplishing their goals.

Self-sabotage occurs when we hinder our own success, and most of the time we don't even realize we're doing it. Does this feel like you? Maybe you've caught yourself wondering, like, why can't I have what I want? Or why can't I have what they have? Or why does this feel so hard when I'm trying so hard?

 I'm going to walk you through six signs that you might be self-sabotaging yourself. And more importantly, how to stop. Because once you can spot the problem, you can fix it. And let's be honest, we all want a great life.

So let's talk about self-sabotage. It's sneaky, isn't it? It's not like you wake up in the morning. You think, today I'm going to make my life harder? No, it's more subtle than that. It hides in your habits, your thoughts, your beliefs, your reactions, and the actions you choose to take. And the actions you choose not to take. But here's the thing.

You likely don't even realize it's happening. You miss deadlines because you're obsessing over every tiny detail. You procrastinate on goals that actually matter because deep down, you're scared to fail. Or maybe you keep saying yes to things that drain you because you don't want to upset anyone. Does this sound familiar? Now you might be thinking, okay, but is this really that big of a deal?

Now, if you are in that 70%, you feel stuck, frustrated, and constantly spinning your wheels. It's exhausting and it's holding you back. But the good news is, once you learn to spot the signs, you can break the cycle and you can take control of your own life. Today, I'm going to show you how.

 First, are you always procrastinating? Procrastination isn't just about being lazy. It's often a way to avoid fear. Fear of failing. Fear of not being perfect or even fear of succeeding. When I find myself putting something off, it's usually because I don't like the conversation that I need to have with a certain person. Or there's something I have to do and I don't like doing that thing.

Well, the sooner I can just have the conversation or do the thing, I always feel better. Even if the conversation is tough, I work to make it productive and then we can move forward together. Or we can part ways. As soon as I start to do the thing that needs to be done, I feel like I'm making progress and the momentum builds. Taking action for me is always more productive than not doing anything. And that's how I combat procrastination.

Number two, you overcommit to everything. If you're saying yes to every request, you're probably saying no to your own needs. This comes from a fear of disappointing others. And I really get this one. I myself am a recovering people pleaser and have spent most of my life saying yes. I want to help you out. To be there for my family and friends and the people I work with.

I want to say yes all the time. But I found that there's no room left for me to get the things done that are most important to me, and I resent them for even asking. That's not a great way to live. And what I've learned, and what I realized is that this is my fault. And something that's worked for me is practice

saying no. Take a look at your calendar this week and say no to the things that are not most important to you. Say no to at least one thing that you know you don't want to do, and use that time to do what you do want to do. It's uncomfortable at first, but remember, your time and energy are finite and we have to protect that.

Number three, you're a perfectionist. Perfectionism is the ultimate disguise for self-doubt. You're so focused on getting everything right that you never, ever take action. You never take real action. It's tough to take action. And the cure is aim for progress, not perfection. Set deadlines for yourself and stick to them. And even if the work isn't flawless, send it out.

Number four, you self-criticize constantly. That little voice in our head telling us that we're not good enough is lying. Negative self-talk drains us of our self-confidence and keeps us stuck. And we have to replace it with something constructive. So instead of saying I'll never get this right, maybe say I'm learning and I’ll get better with practice. For over 20 years, I've been doing this inner work and boy, some of the stuff I say to myself I wouldn't dream of saying to anyone else.

We have to catch ourselves and let these negative thoughts go because they aren't true. We are not fat or ugly or stupid or lazy or bossy or weak. Or we're not just like our mother or bad at time management. We are all one thought away from a completely different experience. If you think you're not good at making money, then you're not good at making money. If you think you are good at making money, then that's going to be your focus and you're going to figure it out.

Number five, you avoid taking risks. Now, playing it safe might feel comfortable, but it's also a form of self-sabotage. Growth happens outside of our comfort zone. So we've got to change to change. If we keep on doing what we've always done, we're going to keep on getting what we always got.

Start by taking small, calculated risks. Stretch yourself just a little and you'll slowly build the confidence to tackle bigger challenges. Or if something in your life is just crappy, then decide all the things that you're going to do to change it and start doing them. 28 years ago, I knew I was not married to the right person. So, what did I do?

Well, at first, I did nothing. I wanted to have kids. I wanted to get married only once. I believed in family. So, I chose to ignore it, for the next seven years. And I had fun with my boys and my friends and in my work. And then I thought, is this the relationship that I want to emulate for my boys?

I began to do this work of self-discovery. The boys’ dad and I went to counseling. I went to counseling on my own, and then I took the biggest risk I've ever taken. I asked for a divorce. I knew that was the best choice for myself and my family. I decided who I was going to be during that time.

For five years I didn't date. I studied and learned how to divorce, well. I spent all my time focused on what was best for my boys. I got to really know myself. I took a risk. I worked to create a good relationship with their dad. I stretched myself. And 20 years later, I'm still doing the work. Today, I have a blended family of seven boys that are all amazing human beings and who I love so much.

When you take a risk, sometimes it's going to work out. Sometimes it's not. But if you don't take a risk, it for sure won't work out. And even when things don't work out, you're still moving forward, because you'll learn and you'll grow from the failures and the mistakes.

Number six, you make excuses. Whether it's blaming your schedule or other people or the weather. Excuses keeping you from taking responsibility.

Flip the script. Instead of saying, I don't have time, try, I'm choosing to prioritize this right now. It's empowering and it puts you back in control. This year, I'm really working on improving my focus. Focus in my work and in my schedule. Focus on my health. Focus on the relationships that matter to me. So, what I'm doing is every day I block time in my calendar to work on my business. Time in my calendar to work with my clients. Every Wednesday and Sunday afternoon,

I cook food for my family. Every evening, I spend time with the people that matter to me or I work if they're not around. Everybody's getting older. Every Tuesday and Thursday night, I go to the gym. And I work out once on the weekend. I started doing this about three quarters of the way through last year, and it's made a huge difference.

This year I’ll improve my schedule. I'll value my time more and increase my focus. Here's the truth. Self-sabotage doesn't go away on its own. You have to call it out. You have to face it and take action to overcome it. Start by identifying which of these six signs resonate with you the most. Is it procrastination? Perfectionism?

Maybe it's all six, and that's okay. Awareness is the first step. From there, commit to change. Maybe you set a timer or tackle one task today. Or you practice saying no to something that drains you. Remember, progress beats perfection every time. 

If you want to change, you got to change.